"FUNNY STORIES"

"Change In Mid-Flight"

The few years back the couples decided they wanted a computer. So they went and got one. While the man was to work, the woman was on the computer talking to men. So after awhile a man came home and his wife was gone. She had ran away with a man she met on the internet.

So the man said, well if she can do it, then I can. So he went on the computer and got talking to a very hot woman. They send pictures back and forth and talk for about six mouths. So then she wanted to come to Canada so she could be with him. So he got her a one way plane ticket and sent it to her.

So the big day came and he hired someone to take him to the airport, for to get her. They got there and waited for the plane. The plane landed but where was his woman. Now at this point i should tell you that the woman he was talking to was about 130-140 pounds, tall and white. He could not find her no where.

So he went to a ticket agent for to find out if she was on the plane or not. When a woman came up behind him and spoke to him. He turn around and this woman ask if he was Mr. so and so. He said he was. She then said well i am a woman that you been talking to for these last six mouths. He look at her and said, oh not you are not, for you are over 300 pounds and cold shining black. The one i was talking to was about 130 pounds or so and white. She then told him that she was 130 pounds and white when she got on the plane but something happened on the way here that cause her to change color and put some weight on.

He look at her and said, you are not the one in the picture. So you can turn around and get back on that plane and go back to where ever you came from. And then he turn around and walk out and went home.

The above story was told to be by a friend of mine and is supposed to be true.

Wrote By R.W.Hill

Aug. 21,2008

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"Bits & Pieces"

I am calling this story bit and pieces because it about more than one thing. It about some of the funny things that had happen to me over the years.

This had happen to me a lot over the years, i will stop to a store and go in and get a bottle of coca-cola. Now it will be a very hot day outside, most times. I will sit it on the counter for to pay for and the woman or girl behind the counter will pick it up and rub the cold bottle of pop all over their face. Then they will put it in a bag and i will paid for it and leave.

The next very odd things that had happen to me ,is this. I go in a store and get a big bottle of cold pop and sit it on the counter for to pay for. The girl behind the counter will then rub the cold bottle of pop all over her chest!!

But wait the best is yet to come. The other day in the store, the girl at the counter took the cold bottle of pop and put it under her blouse and rub her chest with it all the time looking at me. lol.

But wait, here is a very odd thing that happen to me. One day this summer i was in the store, waiting to pay for my stuff, when i felt someone breathing on my neck. So i turn around, and there was a girl behind me and she look at me and said, "You smell good." I laugh and told her to keep her nose to her self. lol.

All of this and more had happen to me over the years.

Wrote By R.W.Hill

Aug.13,2008

"A Funny Dream"

Some peoples say dreams are a sign of things to come. Well that could be. But this is a story about a dream that i keep dreaming over and over again.

There is this woman, that i talk to in another country. We talk all of the time by way of computer and phone. I had  became quite fond of her to say a least. But anyway to get on with the story.

We as of yet, had never met face to face. But we are hoping to meet at some point in time. When we meet, it will be in the USA, but i do not known where in the USA. When we meet, we both will be outside, standing on a lawn.

We will introde our selfs to each other. Then we will talk about how we met online. She will corner me down, for to make sure, it is me. Then once she  is 100% sure that it is none other than me, what do you think, she do next?

She jump abroad me and start beating me up. She is hitting me anywhere that she can. Now i am unable to defend myself, because she is stronger than me and bigger than me to. Plus i can not fight back because she is a woman and  i can not hit a woman. At long last, she got me on the groung, in very great pain, and then she stop.

Then the next thing i known, i am laying on the bed in the house, still in very great pain. She is then sitting on the side of the bed, talking to me. We talk for a long while and after awhile, i asked her, why did she beat me up. She replied, because i had it a coming to me. I said, ok, if you say so.

Then after i got feeling better, i slowly got up on the other side of the bed. She then came around to where i was. I then look at her and said, not again. She said, no and then she take me into her arms and kiss me on the lips.

And guess what happen next? I wake up. So you see, i have just got to meet her, for to see what happen next.

Wrote By R.W.Hill

July 13,208

"Fake Women"

Why is true love so hard to find today. For over two years, i was in alot of these online dating sites. And i never found myself a woman, but i did learn alot. I would find a woman and we would talk back and forth by e-mails for awhile. So then after awhile i would get them to phone me , this way i could hear their voice. Also when they phone me their number would show up on my phone. So then after they phoned and we talk for awhile, we would say good bye and we would hang up.

Now before they phone me i would find out what country they was in, plus where in that country they was. So after we talk ,i then phone the phone company for to see where that call came from. They would check for me, it would take a few minutes to check now. Then they would tell me where that call came from. Now i had over 100 woman phone me from Russia and do you know how many was in Russia? Well i will tell you, only one of them was in Russia. lol.

Where was all the rest, they was in the USA. So with that said, they was not who or what or where they said they was. They was all fakes.

That one that was in Russia was real, but she ended up trying to scam me. But it did not work. So now i think that all or most of these dating sites are just there for to try to get money out of mens, by any means possible. So if you are in one of the many dating sites that is on the net, you had better watch your back, as they say. So with that said, good luck and have fun.

This story was on my blog but i remove it from there and put it on here.

Wrote by R.W.Hill

July 14,2008

"MR. GROUND HOG"

I was out sitting on my door-step this morning, watching a couples of wild rabbits eating some grass. When out of the corner of my eye, i seen a ground-hog slowly coming toward me. He stop a few feet away from me and started eating some grass. I watch him for awhile and then i spoke to him. I asked him how he was doing on this fine morning, never thinking that he would answer me back.

He stop eating and look at me, and then he spoke to me. He said, "i am very fine thank you". Well the two wild rabbits that was eating grass just a few feet from me, their ears stood straigh up and their little eyes got very big. They went over to the ground hog and said something and then they ran away.

So i then said, "what was that about"? Mr. Ground-Hog replies, "they told me i was not supposed to talk to peoples". But he went on, " i had been wanting to talk to you, for awhile now". I replied, "oh yeah, what about"? Well he said," us ground hogs are getting mad at some of the things some of you stupid human do"? He went on to say, for some reason you humans got it in your head, that us ground-hogs can foretell the weather. And every Feb. you come and dig us out of our nice warm bed, and hold us up in the air, for all to see. And it is very cold. And we do not like this at all.

So he said, "some of us had came up with a plan". I said, "ok, go on". But he said, "we need your help". I replied, " what can i do to help"? He then replied, "put everything i tell you today on your website. This way all of the other ground-hogs in the whole world, will see what i got to say". I said, "ok, i will do it for you".

He then said," this Feb. when the human come and digs us out of our nice warm bed, we got a surprise for one or more of them". He then said, "one or more of us is going to try to bite the human nose off. If we missed a nose, a eye will do." I replied, " oh my!"

He then said," you know the other year when one of us bite a man finger off". I said, " yes". Well he replied, that ground-hog was aiming for that person nose, but being halp to sleep and cold, he missed and got a finger".

But this year, with your help in getting a word out to all of the other ground-hogs, we are hoping that atleast one of us will bite a human nose off. He also said, that may teach them not to mess with us. Plus it be fun to see a human with no nose, and he laugh.

I told him that i would put it on my website for a whole world to see and that i wish them good luck with their plan.

Wrote By R.W.Hill

June 10, 2008

 

"THE MERMAID"

A few years back, i was working for a person, and they had a store in town. They got a mermaid and they decided to hang her from the ceiling. So when you went into their store and look up, you would see this mermaid. Her bottom halp was a fish but her top halp was a woman.

Now alot of the peoples that came to this store was from the USA. And about 8 out of every 10 women that came in, would reach up and feel the mermaid breasts. Why they did this, none of us could ever figure out. lol.

So this day i was in the store doing something, and i was in a devil may care mood. And this young couples from the US came in and look around and then the woman seen the mermaid. She look it over and then she reach up and felt the mermaid breasts. She felt each one. So then i said, "Madam, i am quite sure that they are not as soft or as nice as your ones are." Well she turn every color in the paint can and her boyfriend took to laughing, he thought it was quite funny. lol. The person behind the counter did not know what to say.

Written By R.W.Hill

2008

 

"A FUNNY STORY"

The following was told to me by another person and i found it quite funny, to say a least.

 A older woman was driving down the road and all of the sudden this dog came out of the wood and ran head first in the side of her car. She could see it laying in the side of the road, so she stop and got out and went up to it, to see if it was still alive or not. She found it to be alive so she open her trunk and after the while she got the dog in the trunk of the car.

Now about one mile away, there was a veterinary, so she pull into his driveway and got out and went in. She told him what had happen and would he see if he could help the poor dog. So he put his coat on and they went out to the car.

Now while she was in talking to the veterinary, the dog came to. It had only been knock out. It had tore it way into the main part of the car, and in trying to get out, it had tore the inside of the car to pieces. lol. And oh yes, this car was a brand new car to. lol.

Well when the veterinary and the woman got out to the car and seen the dog in the car. The veterinary turn to the woman and said, "madam that no dog in your car, that a coyote." So he went around to the other side of the car and open the door and the coyote jump out and took for a wood as fast as it could go. The veterinary then turn to the woman and said," have yourself a very good day" and turn and went back in his office. lol.

Written By R.W.Hill

2008

"A FIELD MOUSE"

This story take place in Ontario many years ago.

I was working for a farmer and break time came, so we all sit down on the ground to eat our lunch. So after lunch, we went back to work. After awhile i felt something move in my clothes. But there was nothing there. Then it move again, so i grab in the place it moved, but there was nothing there.

 Now this kept up for a long time and at last the boss came over and wanted to know what i was doing. I told him it felt like i had something in my clothes moving around. So i took my snowmoblie suit off and check it over but there was nothing in it. I felt all over my body but could find nothing. So i put my snowmoblie suit back on and went back to work.

And it took to moving again and this time it was moving all over me and fast to. I told the boss, i am going home to see if i can get to the bottom of this. So i went back to the place i was staying at. The woman there asked me why i was home from work so soon. So i told her what was going on. So then i took the snowmoblie suit off and she look at me and said, "You got something in your shirt pocket i think". So i look in my shirt pocket and there was a big fat field mouse. lol.

Written By R.W.Hill

April,2008

"To Cold To Work"

Many years ago i was in Ontario working for a farm tiling outfit. And it was getting very late in the fall and it was getting to cold to do anything. So this day, we stop for lunch and then went into town. Some of us got some beers to drink. So me being me, i drank abit to much and was not in any shape to work that afternoon. The others men told me that when the boss came and seen that i had too much to drink, that he would fired me.

So anywhere one o'clock came and the boss came over. He look at me and said, so you been drinking? I said, "yes , i had been and i think i had abit to much." He then look at me long and hard and then said, " well we can not work without him, and it is to cold to work this afternoon." " so i guess we will call it aday".

Then he said,"and will someone drive him home because he is to drunk to drive home." He also said,"who ever drive him home, i will cover their time". So one of the other men drove me to where i was staying. And oh yes, he did not fired me. lol.

Wrote By R.W.Hill

June 13,2008

"The Bull-dozer"

One day at work a few years back, i had to drive a bull-dozer. It was one of the biggest that could be got.

So i got on it and the next thing i knew, i was laying on the ground, with all of the others men around me. I heard some one say, "is he still alive?" I got up and the boss said. "what the heck happen". I replied, "i got no idea. i was driving it and the next thing i knew, i was laying on the ground".

From what we could see, i must of went to sleep while i was driving it and that was why i fell off of it". But as the boss said, i was very Lucky to be alive and unhurt. Because if i would of got catch in the big iron tracks of the dozer, it would of kill me.

It took awhile for us to figured out how to get back on it for to stop it because it was still moving very slowly. But from that day onward, i was not allowed to drive the bull-dozer. lol.